Most people think that language is the primary method that people use to communicate, but studies have shown that non-verbal signals comprise approximately 60-93% of all communication. The phrase “actions speak louder than words” is but one example of this. The closer that we can align our non-verbal signals with our words, the less of a chance others will misunderstand us.
When all of the elements of communication are considered, it’s a wonder we can communicate at all. The fact is, we don’t communicate very well at all. If we did, there would be less conflict, both globally and in our own little world. But with practice, we can become better communicators.
First, we should choose our words carefully. English is an incredibly diverse language with over 1,000,000 words, although the average person’s vocabulary is significantly less, in the neighborhood of 50-75,000 words. Some of those words can be used to bring us love, money and respect while others can bring war, poverty and divorce. Choosing the appropriate words for the occasion is critical to effective communication.
Second, most of us can vastly improve our listening skills. Steven Covey told us how to listen when he said “Listen with the intent to understand, not with the intent to reply.” We are all probably guilty of listening with the intent to reply, at least occasionally, so there is one area which is ripe for improvement.
Peter Drucker said “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.” To hear what isn’t being said requires very focused listening, which usually requires very focused practice.
Third, we can try to make sure that our actions match our words, i.e., walk the talk. When we say one thing but do another, it creates dissonance in the person we are communicating with. For example, when we verbally express our love to someone but our actions reflect a lack of respect toward that person, conflict will inevitably arise.
Life insurance is an example of actions matching words. It is logical (at least to me) that if we love someone, we wouldn’t want them to have financial problems upon our demise. It has been said that life insurance is the greatest love letter ever written. That is because it more than just words.
A client died way too young (61) earlier this year. He had actually done a fine job financially; both his residence and his shore house were mortgage free, and he had mid-six figures in retirement and investment accounts. But it was the half million dollars in life insurance that really solidified his widow’s financial future.
Her life expectancy is 25 years, and it wouldn’t be unfathomable for her to live 30 or more years. His love letter (life insurance) not only ensured that his widow would have no financial problems, but also that his grandchildren would continue to receive their birthday and Christmas gifts. That is what his life insurance communicated to his widow.
In closing, we all should strive to make ourselves better communicators. We can do that by choosing our words carefully, by listening to understand, and by acting congruently with what we say. And an example of that is keeping our life insurance program is up to date.