There’s a saying he (or she) is his (or her) own worst enemy. In reality, it applies to all of us. We all engage in self-sabotage to varying degrees. For some it may be smoking, for others, procrastination, and still others over eating. Except for those instances like terrorist attacks, extreme weather or a genetic disorder, most of our problems are directly attributable to our actions.
For many people, that is uncomfortably true. Others will simply deny it. To accept responsibility for our problems is the mark of a mature individual. It is much easier (and much more common) to make excuses or to rationalize any misfortune that may befall us.
The next time you are wont to make an excuse for something, try asking yourself these questions instead: 1) Would I believe this excuse if anyone besides me was saying it, 2) Does this excuse even make any sense, and 3) Am I really going to let this excuse stop me from accepting responsibility? (h/t Joel Runyon)
The problem with excuses is twofold: 1) they create cognitive dissonance within us, and 2) they can become habit-forming. We are all creatures of habit and if we don’t control our habits, they most certainly will control us.
However, we can also choose to form the habit of accepting responsibility. Admittedly, it is easier if we were fortunate enough to have parents who instilled the concept in us when we were young. I am doubly fortunate, because not only did my parents preach it, but the Marine Corps beat it into me. So I own my screw-ups. They are 100% my fault.
When we accept that our problems are a result of our actions, it makes them easier to correct. If a certain behavior produced an unwanted result, what behavior would produce the wanted result? While we may feel that we don’t possess the talent, intellect or whatever to produce the desired result, that is oftentimes just a self-imposed limitation.
Self-limiting behavior can be dealt with in a variety of manners, but for me, accomplishing a physical challenge opens my mind to other possibilities. For example, I believe that anyone reading this could complete a marathon if s/he wanted to. Your initial reaction may “not me”, but think about it. Thousands of people complete marathons every year, many of them novice runners, so why not you?
William James said “It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” That is basically the same message Henry Ford conveyed when he said “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
Now I’m not saying you should run a marathon. I’m saying that 1) you could run a marathon, if you wanted to, and 2) if you did, it would remove a specific self-limiting behavior (I can’t run a marathon) and would probably remove some others as well (if I can complete a marathon, then I certainly can __________ fill in the blank).
I usually tie these messages back to life insurance, but this time I won’t, as I believe the connection is self-evident.