What is success? If you take a poll, almost everyone would say that they want to be successful. But what does that mean? A job you like? Status? Money? Power? Possessions? That is part of the communication problem that I discussed last week; different people could have different definitions of success. So when we talk about success, the first thing we have to do is agree on a definition.
Earl Nightingale gave a pretty good definition when he said that success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal. In other words, if you are constantly moving towards and achieving your goals, you are successful. Using that definition, success is impossible without goals.
But no matter how success is defined, most people equate it with happiness; that is, if you are successful, you will be happy. While surely there are many happy, successful people, I’m equally sure that almost everyone knows one or more persons who appear to be successful but are not happy.
So what is it that we want, success or happiness? Or something else? The Humanistic Psychology movement says that what most people want, even if they can’t articulate it, is fulfillment. Unfortunately, fulfillment is even harder to define than success, but at our deepest level, we want to feel like we made a difference. We want that feeling of satisfaction that we are at least developing, if not achieving, our potential, and that is related to growth. If we are not growing intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, it will be hard to feel fulfilled.
To do that, we have to reflect on who we are and why we’re here, which will eventually lead us to confront our mortality (which will make us think about our life insurance program). It takes what Daniel Goleman calls emotional intelligence to confront the truth that we will one day not be here and that the world will get along just fine without us. Once we realize and accept that, we have grown.
But growth is not comfortable. It requires us to try new things, which takes us outside our comfort zone. Trying new things also presents the possibility of failure which, ironically, presents the opportunity for growth. If we learn from a failed experience, is it really a failure? Robert A. Lovett said “Good judgment is usually the result of experience. And experience is frequently the result of bad judgment.”
So if growth is essential to fulfillment, how do we grow? There are many ways, but one way is through service to others. I’m not saying we have to be Albert Schweitzer or Mother Theresa, but even Dylan said “You’re gonna have to serve somebody.”
This isn’t about altruistic, Pollyanna, pie-in-the-sky crap. We all have to earn a living and there’s nothing wrong with earning money. But we can earn a good living by serving others, and we can earn a great living by serving others greatly; just ask Tony Hsieh or Gary Vaynerchuk.
So it seems that although we think we want success, what we are truly seeking is fulfillment, and we get that by giving our life meaning, which we get through growth. By consciously trying to grow, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, we give meaning to our lives. Which provides fulfillment.